We live in a world where respect and politeness is not so common anymore, especially in the youth. It is disheartening and baffling. With the increased exposure to media and violence, parents need to work twice as hard to enforce respect in children. Read more about 6 simple steps to raise a respectful child.
So why is respect important? Besides the fact that respect makes us feel better, it is important for both evolutionary and practical reasons. According to a leading writer on emotional intelligence and abuse, respect entails considering other people’s feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes and preferences. Respect also reduces number of conflicts and helps maintain a peaceful atmosphere. And in today’s world, peace is a priceless commodity. As parents we have a huge responsibility to our children and to the world to imbibe a sense of respect in our children.
- Respect each other: Your children observe and follow your every move, word, expression and even your prejudices. So set a standard for yourself. Check how you speak with your spouse, friends, family members and even outsiders because that is what your child will imitate. More importantly, respect your child. Teach them that respect is not just polite words but the way you speak them. Respect is an attitude.
- Discipline consistently: It’s easy to let your child get away with bad behaviour but the consequences are massive. Children need consistency in your directives. They should know what the rules are and what the consequences are of bad behaviour. It is important that the rules are enforced fairly and consistently.
Praise them: Sometimes we are so focussed on our child’s bad behaviour we fail to acknowledge them even when they are being absolute angels. Constant criticism will just breed resentment. Even adults do not appreciate constant criticism. So praise your child at every opportunity as it will reinforce the good behaviour.- Avoid overreacting: There have been times when I tried to enforce bed time or “no more sweets”, and my child has retorted with a “I don’t like you”. Well, it is not necessary for my child to like me. If we started focussing on making our children like us, the purpose of parenthood will be defeated. If your child says something unpleasant, do not get upset. Just calmly tell them how it’s impolite to talk like that and that it is unacceptable.
- Deal with disagreements: Disagreements are inevitable. Your child is another being with his/her own moods, likes, dislikes and opinions. If your child refuses to follow your instructions, it isn’t because he/she is being disrespectful but that he/she just has a different opinion. Teach your child to express needs and wants politely and how they are likely to be fulfilled if he/she asks nicely.
Additionally, let your child see how you deal with disagreements with people in a respectful and calm way. They need to understand that just because you think someone is wrong or of a different opinion does not give you the right to disrespect them. It will not only help establish important life skills but also earn you your child’s respect. - Handling teenage disrespect: Let’s talk about teenage. Oh yes! That’s when parents lose their patience. I know mine did. Teenagers are in a stage of separating from their parents and discovering their own identity, and can be rude when their freedom is threatened.
a) Don’t take everything personally: Teenagers have a plethora of weapons to attack their parents with. They will argue about every rule they are frustrated with until it gets under your skin. If you react to every eye-rolling or muttering and try to defend your rules, you are unlikely to see any changes in your child and are likely to lose your mind. As long as they are complying with your rules, all is good. However, you need to recognise disrespectful behaviour you can accept and cannot accept. If your child is treating people badly and not complying with your expectations then you need to check them.
b) Address bad behaviour, not feelings: As a parent we may feel that our children ought to respect us. Unfortunately lot of kids, especially teenagers, think they are smarter than their parents and respect is therefore hard to come by. So what you can do is address their bad behaviour, not their feelings about you. You can’t demand respect but you can prohibit disrespectful behaviour. For instance, “Just because you are frustrated with my rules doesn’t mean you will raise your voice at me or call me names.” Say it calmly and leave it that.
Teaching respect is not a day’s job. It requires patience, time and your willingness to be a role model. But trust me, the fruits of your labour will be very sweet, both for you and your child.
Nurturey’s articles are written by experts and specialists in the field of pregnancy, child rearing and development.
